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The Horse

Elegant and powerful,
Filled with such grace,
a gentle giant you can be,
But one should never judge you in haste.

Kind hearted and open minded,
You take me as I am,
As I brush your soft coat,
Nudge me gently as you stand.

The bond between horse and rider,
Synchronised in unison,
A beauty to watch when joined in action,
A heart warming scene when alone.

Gallop across the open planes,
Jump over every fence,
A wildness lies within your heart,
Unless you’re standing by me.

You munch your hay quietly,
And allow me to tack you up,
Get ready for another time spent with me,
While you teach me how to act.
If I forget to do something,
You do not kick or buck,
You stand there patiently,
Letting me know that I messed up.

I’ve learnt so many skills,
During our time together,
And I know days ahead will be filled with more learning,
In sun, rain or whatever weather.

Trotting up the roads,
Cantering across the fields,
You’ll never know how alive I feel,
When I first press on my heel.
The sense of ability
For the first time in my life,
Springs to life every time
You and I take a stride.
The warmth I feel,
From the powerful beauty that you are,
When sitting astride or walking alongside,
Brings alive a world from afar,
One I never hoped to be apart of,
One I never dared to dream,
But one you bring forth to reality,
And make me not blind it seems.

How can I express,
The thanks to a creature so pure,
Filled with a majesty I am privileged to see,
And a creature of such nobility.

Poets much adept than myself,
Have over the years described your spirit,
Enhanced your beauty of physique and stature
In words upon a page,
But none could ever describe the feelings you bring to me,
For what the horse can provide to a blind rider,
Is something words cannot describe.

A spirit of true beauty,
A heart of priceless gold,
A wildness of ferocity ,
But still I adhere to hold,
You high in my esteems as a human,
Humbled by your irresistible grace,
astounded by your sheer beauty,
And honoured to take my place,
beside you,
Or upon your strong back,
And off we can go together,
In unison on a favourite hack.

I can never truly thank you,
For letting me share your world,
For those times each week I treasure,
As though they were a precious pearl.
Each diamond of wisdom,
You bestow on me each time,
and every moment,
No matter what happens,
Is a treasured moment of yours and mine?

So when asked what the horse can bring for me,
I say simply,
Joy, love, learning,
Hope and freedom,
Filled with majesty and grace
But above all,
For one will never truly know the horse,
His wildness still remains,
Even in my gentle giant to which I entrust myself,
The wildness is still maintained.

The trust between horse and rider,
So valuable and unique,
Will not protect you from the wildness of these creatures,
So just wait and see.
Treat them with kindness,
And they shall be so in return,
Love and cherish them but know the truth,
And you may not get hurt.
The balance of trust is so delicate,
The love and care so clear,
But a horse is still a horse,
No matter what you hear.
Think you may have tamed him,
Then a surprise makes you fall,
Anyone who knows horses,
Will exclaim, “I told you so”.

Despite the danger that comes with these beauties,
Many still entrust their lives,
I know I always will be faithful to the great horse,
And take the good with the strifes,
because once a horse has crept
Deep into the depths of your heart,
It’s near impossible to turn your back,
And take leave of their world for a final depart.
They pull you in deep,
And will not let you go,
Their eyes filled with knowing and their hearts of love,
You know you cannot leave them so.

So stand shoulder to shoulder,
Ride upon him with pride,
And know you’ve experienced one of the world’s most precious things,
You’ve gained an honoured friendship of the horse in your life.


The World Is Breaking!

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know my various opinions on how society is broken. Ranging from the out of control behaviour of children and young people, to the outright lack of support of society’s disabled and vulnerable. With this week seeing the various party conferences, I have to say, it seems clearer every day that the world in which we live is broken and I see no way out.

The fact that the government now estimate the cost of our intrusion on Libya may now reach the sum of 1.5 billion as opposed to their estimated 250 million back in June while they’re cutting valuable services in their own country to the disabled and elderly truly blows my mind. How can it be justified that you fight, what I consider a losing battle in a foreign country and spend a hell of a lot of money on what is essentially an attack on that country, regardless of their motives, and yet you cut the welfare and support services to blind, physically, mentally and hearing impaired along with children services and day care and rest bite for the elderly? How is that ethical? How can that make sense to anyone?

I am aware what goes on in other countries and if we had the cash to spare, as a country, fine, go and blow Gudafi’s head off, I don’t care about the money then, [my opinion on war intervention aside], but to do it at a financially delicate time when you have already blamed another party for “squandering” tax payer’s money; are you not doing the exact same thing?

VaT was put up to twenty percent this year which was an incredible step from the seventeen point five percent we are used to paying. We already had the highest inflation rate of any country in the Western world, and this increase has only propelled us further. As a consumer, I have seen the effects on food and other daily items. Sure, there is no VAT directly on food but there is on fuel which is used to transport it and everything up until point of purchase which inflates prices.

The government’s stubbornness to not adjust the debt plan will surely rocket us back into a recession and withe the Euro crisis reaching fever point, I fear a full on depression. The capitalist society in which we have all grown up in is about to collapse people, and the bankers, the politicians are all to blame.

It seems nothing they do will change this and when people in the know have suggested ways, they are ignored. Cutting debt is essential, I agree, but if the world economy collapses, as many experts secretly fear, debt will not be our biggest problem.

I can see now how we are going to end up. And in some ways, it’ll be hard at first but in time may be better. We are already moving toward smaller, locally governed areas of society which few wise people say is the best way to live productively, and that will only increase with time. We are already shopping around for lower prices, more so than ever before in my living memory. Going back directly to suppliers is, in my humblest opinion going to become the norm. I’m starting to see that this actually would be a good thing. In some ways, the industrial revolution created nothing but headaches. Bring back the corner shops, the cobblers, the menders, the black smiths. Lets get rid of the consumer driven, superficial, materialistic world that has driven us to this inevitable crash. What is that fame old saying? The higher you climb, the farther you have to fall? In our economy’s case, that will be like us falling at full gravity from Jupiter.

Discipline is another area where we are definitely lacking. Proposals are being rumoured now for bringing back corporal punishment in schools. Good, do it, I say. There is no respect and little discipline. National service definitely needs to be re-introduced. And people need to take responsibility for themselves and their children much more. Human rights have to stop being allowed for every crime as a defence against punishment. I read the most ridiculous article today about inmates in a prison in Wales were suing the government because they only got one Sky sports channel and couldn’t watch all of the premiership Football games and this went against their human rights? Come on! Are you freaking kidding me? I cannot even dignify that with an pro argument and I wouldn’t insult anyone’s intelligence reading this to do an against argument. Anyone who thinks that them receiving any television while serving time for a crime is a human right needs to get a grip on reality. This softly, softly approach that we have in this society regarding children and criminals needs to stop before this country reaches its all time low. While serving a prison sentence, human rights should not come into it. Basic animalistic rights, food, sleep, things you need to prolong a life should be observed but human rights? Forget it! You lost those rights in my opinion the day you committed a crime.

There is so much wrong and broken with this world right now, I cannot possibly write any more without depressing myself greatly. So thank you for reading and please feel free to add your comments.

Childless = Selfish?

This week, it has been circulating the media realms about whether childless women are selfish? A poll showed that 30+ women are less likely to start a family or want to start a family because of their looks, careers or life style choices.

Being a woman of 28, and never having a maternal instinct or the want for a child in my life, I am one hundred percent with those women. I want a good solid career, a life style where I run it around myself, not some snot nosed kids, and I am much more of a horse woman and dog lady than a mother.

Do I think this generation of career prowling, cosmetic obsessed and living life ladies are selfish? My answer is, no. It is a life choice that only an individual can make and for their own reasons.

I think women who have no time for children should be considered more selfish. As they want a child but want to do everything else while other people care for their offspring is deemed, in my book, slightly more of a selfish act. Mothers are meant to be all giving and nurturing , if you’re only having a child for a prestige reason, that is more selfish than a woman choosing to go out and have the “pre mother Hood sex in the city” life style.

The population of the UK is overwhelmed with unwanted, ill mannered and deviant children, why should women, if they have no desire to reproduce, do so for the well being, of who exactly? Our resources in this country are already stretched, encouraging women, no guilt tripping them into having kids because they are looked down upon by this screwed up society is just ludicrous!

The government are cutting services, left right and centre, but still teenage mummies are allowed to breed to the extreme and idle, benefit claimants continue to punch out kids so they can get more child benefit. Where is the sense of making high tax paying women leave their jobs to breast feed and mop up sick to potentially stay at home for the duration of their motherhood?

I say, quit making women feel so bad about making a positive life choice. Being a woman is not only about getting married and having children, there is much more to us as a species, on the whole than being a teat, nappy changer and vomit mopper-upper. We have potential, dreams and they do not revolve around baby milk, powder or nappies, necessarily.

What Is Happening To Our Society?

Where have the Good Old Days Gone?

We often will reflect, no matter what generation, on where have the good old days gone? Even generations in the future, [as much as it is hard to believe for us now] will harp on in their thirties and forties on “when they were young”. And once they reach old age, they will harp on as our grandparents have done and our parents will do, about the “Good Old Days”.

But I seriously think the younger generations now, lack respect, and the ability to behave in society. I am currently sitting in the local library, where I come to read and write in peace and quiet and its like I’ve been placed in the middle of a social youth group get together. The individuals I’m referring two are in their middle teens, probably not yet left high school, and are swearing like sailors, talking about sex openly and talking extremely loudly while completely messing about. I must check on the way out, that I didn’t get lost and walk into one of our local public high schools.

I know at that age, I’d be terrified of making a sound in a library and if asked to be quiet or calm it down by an adult, I’d do it. When I was growing up, I was taught a library was a place of quiet, where people worked or read in peace. But during these Easter holidays, it seems it’s transformed into a local youth centre.

I used to dread coming in here because of young children running about, screaming and shouting but seriously, I would prefer such behaviour. This is so disrespectful, to not only the patrons but the librarians.

It makes you wonder what kind of society we live in that makes this behaviour acceptable. I question the lack of morals that have been instilled into these young hooligans. And what frightens me more is they are the Goddamned future. If they indeed, represent a mere fraction of the population, then boy, are we, as a nation in trouble!

New Story, 1ST chapter

Hey guys,
I know it has been a while. I’m working on a few different projects at the moment. My fictional writing is taking up quite a bit of my time. I was hoping to get your feedback on my first chapter of my new project. It’s called Shining Star. All feedback will be awesome and I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 1: Starlet

Chapter 1

Leah Collins was your average, middle class, all American young woman, in a secure job, with good prospects and a happy, social life, until one night, when her life changed forever.

“Leah, photo call is in five,” Jenna Townsend, her manager who was in her mid 30s, a failed model stood with her bushy red head poking around the trailer door. Leah, twenty-five, five foot five inches tall, with long, summer, blonde hair, with ample breasts, rounded ass and a thick waist sat at her dressing table, applying light make up to her deeply tanned skin. Leah had baby blue eyes and long dark eyelashes and took more of her father’s Caucasian features than her mother’s African American features. The only blessing her mother had bestowed upon her were the ample breasts and decent ass. Placing an eye liner on the tray she turned to Jenna and smiled with white teeth showing. This was so knew to her. Like she was still unwrapping the gifts on Christmas morning. Sitting in an LA photo studio, with people running around after her every whim, she wasn’t sure how long this dream would last.

It had all happened six months ago, as she partied with her best friends, Letitia and Marina. They had been waiting for their other friend Ella but she had been running late. So they had waited in Micos, a local karaoke bar in Santa Monica and the girls, as usual, pushed Leah to sing.
“Come on girl, you got such a beautiful voice!” Letitia grinned playfully as she pushed her friend toward the guy with the thick book with the song choices. Letitia was so beautiful and outgoing. Her thick, sexy, black body shimmered with the amount of glitter she plastered onto her skin. Her chocolate eyes continually danced with life. She’d grown up in Compton but had got a scholarship to UCLA in Fashion. Leah had met her at a sorority party in their sophomore year and they’d been tight ever since. Letitia was down to earth as they came and Leah loved her straight talking, often blunt attitude toward life. They called her their ghetto queen. All of the girls adored Letitia. She was as ghetto as the hood rats but had a level of class most girls would never aspire to.

Marina was hispanic and they had met her going to a coffee shop in the hills. She was married to a studio manager in Hollywood but still worked so he could never throw the fact that he was rich and provided for her in her face. Marina was strikingly beautiful standing at six foot, she had long black, straight hair and eyes of emerald green. Her skin was a perfect olive complexion and her figure was to die for. All the girls hated on her in secret for the beautiful figure Marina possessed. She was quieter but smarter than Letitia academically, unlike Letitia who had street smarts and an eye for fashion the others only wished they’d had.

Ella was the only pure white girl in their group. She had had a safe and quite sheltered up bringing but had rebelled terribly during her college years. She had learnt about boys, and was now a single mom working two jobs to take care of her little boy, Danny. He was three and Ella had given birth during her sophomore year while her college friends were partying and studying. Ella had been disinherited by her lawyer mother and actor father but she loved Danny and wouldn’t exchange him for the world.

“What song then?” Leah asked, flipping to the page she knew several of her favourite songs were located. She hoped ella wasn’t having baby daddy drama again. Arturo could be an ass when he wanted to be and tonight he was meant to be taking care of his son but Leah suspected Ella’s late entrance was due to him much preferring to fuck his recent squeeze as opposed to take care of his little boy. Sighing, Leah chose and handed the DJ her slip of paper.
“Which one?” Letitia enthused, grabbing Leah’s arm excitedly as they headed to the bar.
“It’s a surprise,” Leah smiled broadly at her friend as they headed into the bar area and ordered cocktails.
“Leah!” A male voice shouted as they chatted to the bar tender they had known for a few months. He had the hots for Marina but she was married. Not exactly happily but she would tell everyone, including her friends that she was.
“You’re up!” Letitia’s face got excited as they rushed back to the crowd watching the singers. This was a hot joint on a Friday night. People loved coming to Mico’s.
“Alright,” The tall biracial guy grinned a toothless grin at her as she picked up the mic and waited for the intro to finish. as she stood looking out at all the faces, a rush of excitement overcame her. She was, for a few moments in her life, in the spotlight. sure, it was only a small time Karaoke bar in LA but it was good enough for her to keep her going back to her nine to five. She opened her mouth and as her best friends always expected, beautiful notes and words came flowing out of her.
“That’s my girl!” Letitia bellowed as Leah hit a high note. She grinned as she finished as the crowd gave her an awesome applause.

“See girl!” Letitia hugged her tightly as the crowd anticipated the next singer. “You always make our night with your beautiful music. You should so be signed!” Leah laughed and Marina smiled noncommittally. Letitia had always pushed for Leah to pursue a career in music but marina had always warned her of the “Bad side” of the industry which she saw through her husband.
“You always say that,” Leah laughed, pulling her two best friends toward the bar, ordering them all some crazy cocktails.
“You was hot girl!” Christian, a overtly homosexual guy they often bumped into around LA complimented. “And girl, that dress makes you look smoking! If I wasn’t taken,” he thumbed toward the tall figure they all knew to be Mario, the hot Italian model Christian had been off and on with for two years now, “I’d so be yours, honey!”
“Of course you would,” Leah laughed, playing along for his amusement.
“Excuse me,” A black guy was pushing his way through and Letitia squealed something incoherently as Leah turned and stared up into the face of a handsome man, with chiselled features and eyes of a smokey brown that would draw you in instantly.
“Hi,” She smiled nervously, making to move away from the bar to let him through. He screamed presence and status as he stood before her. He was around five, ten, not very tall but still so striking that Leah may have considered him. He was chunky but not overweight as such, stocky, as her mother would have put it. “That boy has been eating some good soul food,” she would have said. Leah could hear her words in her ears as she stood, staring at this good looking man.
“No, ma, it’s cool, it’s you I want to talk too,” His eyes fixated on hers and she felt a tingling down her spine as he touched her arm, keeping her where he wanted her.
“Oh?” She smiled gently, hoping she didn’t have the goofy look on her face which she often had when good looking men spoke to her. Despite her natural beauty, Leah hardly ever attracted the guys she deemed good looking. They were looking for girls who gave it up, not girls who “wanted to get to know them”.
“Yeah, that’s some voice you have,” He smiled, displaying a beautiful mouth. “I’m sorry,” He looked slightly embarrassed now and she hoped beyond hope she wasn’t doing the goofy look thing. “I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Nate Reikman. I’m a producer and run a small time record label, Cali-Soul Records?” He raised his eyebrows inquisitively to see if she acknowledged his status. She merely smiled and waited. “Well, I’d like to invite you to our studios up in Hawthorne to do a demo. I really think you got something girl. You’re what this industry needs.” She stared, shelled shocked. Had he just offered her a record deal? She could hear Letitia whispering enthusiastically with Marina to her right and the sounds of the bar seem to rise as the blood pumped around her ears furiously.
“Wow. That’s an incredible offer. What’s the catch?” She asked, feeling the hotness rise in her cheeks. Surely there was a catch! Money, sex?
“No catch,” He smiled openly, rising his palms upward. “No cash, no strings. I wanna hear how you sound and if I can get you a deal with a bigger company, we can come to some arrangement then. If not, then it will cost you nothing.”
“So nothing ventured, nothing gained?” She asked smiling, feeling the nerves wrack her. He nodded compliantly.
“Here’s my card,” He pulled a manilla card from his jeans and handed it to her, brushing her hand with his own briefly. “Call me if you wanna give it a shot.” And with that, Nate reikman disappeared into the crowd and Leah was left dumbfounded.

“Oh, my God!” Letitia squealed with glee as she hugged her. Leah was astounded by what just happened. “See, I told you!” Letitia babbled on about outfits and what she should sing and all kinds of other things for the next few hours. Leah couldn’t quite take any of this in. Had he really offered her a chance? An opportunity to record and possibly be signed? This wasn’t her life, was it?

Leah awoke the next morning in her airy studio apartment to the sounds of LA buzzing. Despite it being Saturday, and she didn’t have to work, she was awake. In truth, she had hardly slept all night. Nate Reikman and his offer had been on her mind all night. Rolling over in her queen sized bed, she glared at the clock that read seven forty-five and stretched her legs. Sitting up, she grabbed her iPhone and checked her messages. Marina had texted, along with Letitia three times and Ella apologising for missing their girls night. She’d been kept home by Danny being sick. Leah nodded and stood up, stretching once more and headed to her small, white bathroom to shower. The sun streamed through the frosted glass, splintering rays of sunlight onto her body as the water cascaded all around her. Her long, summery blond hair was washed and wrapped into a towel as she switched off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a huge white, fluffy towel around her body. Her apartment phone began to ring. As she hurried into the living room area, she saw caller ID and resisted to answer. It was Letitia! She knew she’d be hounding her for a decision on Nate Reikman’s offer and Leah still didn’t know how she was going to make that decision. So instead, she wandered to the coffee machine and started brewing a pot of coffee while making some breakfast and listening to Power 106 on her cute DAB radio her parents had given her for her birthday.

An hour later she was riding the bus down to Venice Beach where she promised to relax, enjoy a craft fair and take in some of the sights of the hot guys on the beach. The day was warming up considerably. April was already at an average of eighty degrees and at ten that morning, it was already seventy-five. Leah was dressed in jeans and a tank top with her timberland sandals. She hired a bike and took off down the beach path, past all the venders selling to tourists and the usual amateur rappers selling their CDs.

“Sup,ma?” An ugly, flat nosed guy with no teeth hollered at her. His dark complexion plagued by acne. Smiling, she nodded and continued past, not even planning on stopping to hear what crap he had to offer. Some of the guys who hustled down on Venice were talented, some even signed, but the majority were wannabees and would never be anyone to reckon with in the rap game. Leah adorned her iPod headphones and blasted some west coast hip-hop as she rode for a few more miles before returning the bike and grabbing lunch at Olive Garden.

The waiter attempted to flirt with her but she was too preoccupied with the business card in her hand to even notice. Finally, after her soup and salad, she took a deep breath, ignored the squirming of the snakes in her stomach and dialled the number into her phone. Waiting patiently as the ringing continued and continued, she was about to hang up when a smooth, seductive voice answered.
“Nate Reikman,” His voice was thick with weed smoke and she shivered involuntarily at the sound.
“Hi, it’s Leah, from last night? The singer?” Wow! Had she just called herself that? Never had Leah Collins ever imagined herself saying, “Hi, my name’s leah, I’m a singer” and yet here she was, saying it as though it was already her occupation.

“Hi, Leah, nice to hear from you,” He knew who she was. He hadn’t been drunk and flinging his business card around. That had been one of her scenarios in her head as she rode around Venice. Why else would a producer give her his business card? But he hadn’t seemed drunk. And obviously he hadn’t been, he seemed to know exactly who she was and what she wanted. “So, wanna try this?”
“And no strings?” She checked, her mouth dry with nerves.
“You have my word,” He said gently down the phone. “I’ll be here until late so if you wanna do this today? I’m guessing you have a nine to five?”
“Erm, yeah, that soon?” She panicked. What was she going to wear? What was she going to sing? But this may be her only opportunity to do this so she couldn’t say no.
“Sure, why not? Strike while the iron is hot, my mama always said. You need a ride?”
“Erm, I’ll be fine, thanks,” She was so cautious about giving out her address to strangers and he didn’t argue so that made her feel more comfortable. He gave her the address and they arranged for her to be there around seven. Hanging up, she realised a trip to the mall was definitely in order.

Normally, she would have enlisted Letitia’s help but she just needed to be alone on this one. Just for now. Standing up, leaving the money for the check, she left Venice Beach and headed toward the Santa Monica mall and hunted high and low for a classy but sexy outfit.

Once she’d found it, she returned home, ate a quick snack, dinner was too much to expect her stomach to take and showered, changed and called her brother Damian. He lived not far from the studios so she begged him to drive her.
“Is this coasher?” He asked her as she could hear him grabbing his keys and heading out of the door. Leah sighed heavily.
“Yes, Damian, it is,” She waited impatiently and soon his Lexis’s horn honked and she was locking up the apartment, heading down the stairs and seating herself by her brother’s side. He lectured her all about safety on the way but Leah was too nervous to take any notice. She still had no idea what she was going to sing. But what the hell, she was doing this! One way or another, it had to work out, or why else was she doing it?

Celebrities, where’s the line?

This week saw the premier of a movie about a sixteen year old who has had a relatively successful career in the past two years, but my question is, does this child deserve to have a movie made about his short life so far when all he has done is sing?


What worries me is that there is so much of a presence of this celebrity culture that reality is becoming more and more distorted. Do we truly hold sixteen year old boys in higher regards than a child of the same age who has overcome a major disease despite the obstacles or has done something amazing for his/her community? Are we at such a point that celebrity news is bigger than regular people in need? Have we been exposed to so much of this celebrity culture with it being forced upon us from all kinds of media with the added precedence of reality TV that we no longer can differentiate between stars and celebrity, real and fantasy?


To have a movie made on a 16 year old who hasn’t accomplished more than a singing career, like others before him seems like a complete slap in the face to culture and history and those who have overcome. Why are we not recognising soldiers, fire fighters, real heroes for their sacrifices instead of a teenager who has yes, gained a career in music but that’s nothing special nowadays? Wouldn’t it has been more fitting to make a movie about stevie Wonder? A true childhood superstar. Seems life time achievement awards or recognition means nothing anymore because a two year career is all you need to be a superstar and a legend.


Why are we recognising people for their achievements to such high heights way before they should be recognised? There are people in the music industry that have been around for twenty, thirty, fifty years and more and still haven’t been recognised either by an award or a movie in their honour for their efforts. What kind of a kick in the teeth must that feel like?


Beaver’s not my cup of tea, that is true but even if I’d liked someone and they’d had a movie about them, that would have still made me angry.


How many reality contestants are we now seeing in the spotlight and being treated like celebrities? It’s almost like no one has to work for a career or fame or fortune any more to gain recognition and respect from the industry. This makes me both sad and angry. It’s no wonder this is being reflected in our societies. Everything is so attainable and nothing is hard to get. Recognition for good and hard work is given far too easily. And all in the name of money.


It’s obvious that Beaver’s record label saw a golden money making opportunity as they will know millions of teenage girls will flock to the cinema to see the movie about their pin up boy. But where is the substance in our society today? There apparently is very little of that to go around. True legendary stars are being pushed aside in the recognition category because they won’t pull in as much in regard to merchandise and ticket sales. How sad is our world when money making is a driving force to give someone recognition?



Message to a Friend

Losing a friend is a sad moment in time,
When they’d been there through the ups and downs,
To walk away for whatever reason,
As though they never cared.
It’s hard for me to believe,
That the time we spent as friends,
You didn’t want to be there,
You didn’t want to lend
Your ear and heart to care,
To comfort in times of distress,
And now you’re gone from my corner,
I’m forced to think much less
Of an old friend,
Someone I held so dear,
And each moment I try to forget you,
You seem to be just there.
You’re in my mind,
Things you’ve said,
Kindness you’ve showed,
Happy moments we’ve shared and
Some hard ones,
but were they real?
Or was it all for show?
Was I just the pick you up friend,
You used until you had to go?
Even through our fights,
I thought we’d always withstand,
But now I’m almost certain you’ve done,
And no longer will hold out your hand,
And that makes me sad inside,
And has taken me a moment to digest,
The thought of not being friends with you,
Makes me feel a little of unrest.
Despite the hurt that has passed,
The sorrow that has been felt,
The confusion and incomprehension that remains,
And issues that remain undealt,
I can’t imagine you not being there,
To share those joys and cries,
And if this is the end of a friendship,
I’m truly sorry that it has died.
I’ll hold up my hands and show my blame,
And I know you’ve done the same,
And just to talk things out,
Get the air much more clear,
But the challenges that lie ahead,
I feel you wo’t deal and so I fear,
That there’s no going back,
No moving forward,
And so the friendship remains,
Shattered and broken.
I want you to know,
I treasure the good points,
I’m thankful for the times you seemed real,
And I’m sorry that you feel
That my friendship is not wanted or needed anymore,
But just so you know,
I’m not closing the door,
It shall remain and if you want to take the steps,
Nothing is truly lost unless,
You don’t want it to exist no longer,
And for that,
I’m sorry our friendship wasn’t stronger.

I’ll hold the 5 years or so we were friends,
Close in my heart,
And somehow I’ll learn to live without you
But in my heart,
There will always be a spot with your name,
Because I can’t just turn my care off
No matter who’s to blame,
My corner will feel empty without you on my team,
And I will miss you and so I deem,
a sad moment of my life,
And here is the truth,
I cherished you as a mi amiga,
Always, through and through.
And although I know,
Or so it seems to be,
You’ve washed your hands of this friendship,
You’ve washed your hands of me.
And as your choice,
I can respect that, i know,
But respecting and liking what has passed,
Are two different things, you know?
So as long as you know the door remains open,
And the journey will be uphill,
But if its what you want,
I’m here for you still.

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